My Accidental Floor

About 15 years ago, after 27 months of being homeless, I finally had somewhere to live: tenants, who had been renting my old condo, gave me their notice and I moved in. Thus began years of extensive renovations before I sold it at a loss. Here is an excerpt from that time, adapted from my book, Behind Other Doors:

My Accidental Floor

Monamie is helping me buy a new floor at Home Depot. It’s early December and our balmy November has surrendered to the vicious Arctic winds that have blown in with no apologies for the inevitable coming wintry months. I haven’t yet adapted and the icy breeze takes my breath away.

I’ve been pondering what to do about the floor of my condo since I got here. The parquet is at least a few decades old. It’s badly scratched in places, darkened from old water damage in others and heaving in the hallway. Some pieces are missing or loose. I’ve had a couple of people comment on whether or not it’s repairable and what that might cost me. And I’ve considered the alternate: a laminate floor. In general, I don’t like the look of laminate floors. I prefer real wood. But a couple of comments and quotes from professionals helps me make the decision to go with the laminate flooring.

I know it’s going to be my biggest expense—which is why I’ve delayed the project—and probably the biggest return on investment. I’ve hired a contractor to start on December 6. He’s advised me what to look for and Monamie and I have chosen something suitable.

It’s a good thickness of plank and light-coloured (sugar maple) in keeping with most of the advice I received about what kind of floor to install.

I confer with a tall, handsome Home Depot manager about how many boxes of planks I need and I also ask him to throw in five rolls of underlay. Meanwhile, he asks me if I’d like to put the purchase on my Home Depot card, which will defer payment for six months, interest free. I’m all for it! I’ll have sold the condo by the time I have to pay for the floor, I’m thinking.

While I’m filling in the paper work for the card, Monamie supervises the loading of the pallet of laminate into my car. It’s near closing time and I run out of the store at 8:59 p.m., ecstatic with my new “free” floor, and eager to climb into my warm car.

Monamie is sitting quietly in the passenger seat in the dark. “I have good news and bad news,” she says.

“Well, it all fits in my car,” I note, thankful I have an SUV with a good-sized cargo space, “even if I can’t see out the rear window.”

“It’s the wrong colour,” Monamie adds matter-of-factly.

I reach back to turn on the interior light and try to look closer at the plastic-wrapped packages of laminate planking. They do look rather dark.

“I think dark wood is more elegant,” Monamie ventures, reminding me of the dark floor in her former small condo.

“Yes,” I agree instantly. “I prefer dark floor. I only chose the light floor because everyone advised me the dark colour would make my condo look too small.”

Quick to justify the mistake, I point out that my apartment has three large south-facing windows and most of the paintwork is white.

“It’s going home with me.”

At my apartment, I unload two of the boxes, dragging them from my outdoor parking space into the building and down the corridor. Each one weighs more than 20 pounds and there are 42 of them! When my floor guy Graham arrives the following Monday morning, he shakes his head at the dark planks.

“It’s going to absorb all the light,” he says. “I think you should take it back.”

Luckily, it’s still loaded in the car, but I’m not convinced.

“Let’s open a couple of boxes and lay out the planks on the floor.”

Once the pieces are out of the box, we notice the wide variegation in the walnut grain. It’s not as dark as it seemed in its package. And I really like it. Meanwhile, a producer from the television show All For Nothing has shown up to see if my condo renovations are a fit for her new show on the W Network. She watches and films as Graham and I discuss the merits and downsides of the walnut laminate. We’re on opposing sides of the argument.

“I want my condo to stand out from all the others in this price range,” I venture. “I want people to notice how different and outstanding this one is when they walk in. And I think they will if I put down the dark floor.”

I’m also thinking that when the Home Depot guys loaded an entire pallet of the wrong floor in my car, it was an intentional accident.

I win the argument, predominantly because it’s my condo and I have the final say. The floor is a keeper. Within a week, Graham has completed the work and it looks astoundingly beautiful.

The Before

The After